fleetwolf

I have resurfaced on Live Journal. That's right I am back.

There have been a lot of changes in my life and there are still a whole lot more to come.

I'm moving to South Dakota the Weekend of the 30th in June. I'm really excited about that, b/c it's me finally breaking away from everything that I am scared will happen if I stay here. Who knows I might come back someday? I'll definitely be coming back to visit and curl up in bed w/my mom when the world scares me too much.

I am working on opening up and letting people know how I feel. I keep things so bottled up that sometimes it feels like I have to let them out or I will simply explode.

That's my first message on my first day back to LJ since February

You Are Cinderella!

Dignified and hard working. With a gentle and soft-spoken manner you have something many people don't. Patience. Even through the moments of heartbreak you're still able to hold onto all of your hopes and dreams. Bide your time; you're dream will come true.

Which Disney Princess Are You?

Okay so I feel like I'm drifting apart from everyone. I've decided to give up calling people and such and it gets lonely so I have to break the habit, b/c if I don't call people then they don't call me.

I feel like I'm losin' one of my bestfriends though. It really sucks. It's just that we aren't around each other 24/7 and we rarely get to see each other, and now it seems as if there is a guy involved. I'm not saying she's ditching me, but my abandonment issues spring up over stuff like this. It is not your fault it is my psychosis.

Anyways I took notes and studied for a test for the first time and got an 85.

I am so tired. I am always so tired and I don't know what's wrong w/me. I'm takin' my wakey pills like a good kid, but I'm still so tired all the time. All I want to do is go to sleep. Oh well...

I've become obsessed w/owning movies. My collection has nearly doubled in the past couple of weeks, but I now have some classics like Goonies and Spaceballs. They are very important movies to own on DVD.

My love life is still nil. I have a self-imposed cleibacy and it sucks, but there is no one I really want to have sex w/anyways. Well there is one person, but I know that is enver happening.


I'm so happy b/c I get these I Love You! messages from Carrie who happens to be the best ever

It's been a really long time since I've taken a spare moment and posted anything up here and I fully realize this...


I have all these people that call themselves and I call them in return my friends, but I'm really beginning to wonder about that. It seems that no one cares to enlighten me when something fun goes on and that no one seems to care to send a random hello to me at times. Is it really that hard? Am I the one that always has to find out what's going on? Am I the one that always has to initiate some sort of conversation?


It really doesn't seem right to me that if my friends are my friends then I am the one that has to do all the work to keep the friendship going. I mean honestly how hard is it to give a random call to someone and say "hey, what's up?" Not very I should know b/c I've been doing it all of the fucking time.


I'm beginning to get to the point where I hate people, b/c they are stupid assholes who don't give a shit. I'm sick of being the only one who seems to care. When those of you who read this question my gumption about asking this then ask yourselves when the last fucking time was that you called me to see if everything was cool and then question the last time that you actively remembered to invite me to do anything w/o me having to call and ask if you were doing anything

Sherrie and I like the same guy...It's sad, but true...

I don't hate her and maybe I should, but I don't...She's more likely to get the guy than I am anyway...It's not like I know how to flirt...I never have...

My dad is talking to me again...Things still aren't good between us, and I think this was the final straw...

Other than that there is nothing new to report...

So things were pretty cool today...

Got my studying done which was a wonderful thing...

Ana and I went to go see a movie, but the movies were closed...Ended up buying Catwoman and watching it in Sherrie's room...

Came home and I've been reading for a bit, but I really need to get to sleep considering it's almost 3 in the AM...

My cable was down yesterday so there was no way for me to record the events that happened...

My father called me yelling b/c I hadn't gone into work yet and it was just a few after 12 and I had over slept by a few minutes...He told me that I would have to pay my own car insurance in which there is no way in hell that I can afford it....We got into a huge argument...It was not pleasant...

In my ultimate wisdom and pissiness I decided to go to Dunkin' Donuts and get some b/c it seemed like a good idea at the time...I wouldn't be at home stewing angry at my father...On the way there on the bridge at Flat Top, the car did about 3 360's...We ended up in the right lane facing the right way with the engine cut off...Pulled off the road for a few minutes...Ana and I are okay...We almost weren't...We almost went off the side of the mountain and flipped the car...The roads were shitty on our return...

Got home and the cable was out so I took a bath and read a book...That was absolutely glorious...That was followed by a trip to Walmart to get some movies...The rest of the night passed in a boring fashion w/the power flickering...

Didn't wake up until around 3 this afternoon...I had to rush to get ready and get on the road to go to the meeting at 4...

I've been studying and listening to my cat try to get in my room which is shut for now so that I don't have as many distractions....

So today was kinda nice in a wierd cozyish way...

Over slept and like an ass missed my 2 classes of the day...That sucked...Got up and got to work though and it was a fairly quiet day there...

Got home around 7ish and went to study didn't happen...Got to Concord and ended up having people over to watch a movie and study...That was fun...WallyWorld and Sherrie owes me moola...Then drove Bill to his place from Concord and went home b/c Ana decided she wasn't hungry...

Now I'm sitting here contemplating bed or study...Which shall I choose...

And on a side note...This time last year life really sucked major...I wasn't in school...I had just cut myself off from the one person who I never really wanted to be cut off from...And Tanner died...Now I'm kinda happy w/life and things are looking way up...

Maybe we'll be on late schedule tomorrow here is hoping...

Sometimes I just wonder what things would have been like if something had happened differently...I know it's stupid to dwell in the past, but sometimes I really just can't help it...

Now that I've gotten that out of the way let me give a brief update of my life...

Ana has moved in! Wahoo! We have handcuffed Sherrie to the OS...Ana shaved her head...I got my nose pierced...And that's where it ends...

My family really doesn't understand me and I'm sick of trying to be the cookie cutter daughter they want...I finally got my nose pierced which is what I've wanted since the 8th grade, but I've never done it b/c my family would bitch about it...Which they really haven't which is good, but still...Not a one has had a single encouraging remark except for my sister-in-law...They want me to be this good girl...Get my degree, get a good job, settle down and have a family...I don't want that...I mean someday yeah I would like that...I want to see the world and see what is out there...I want to get out of this area for once in my life and away from people and start over fresh...Some place that I'm not Allen's lil' sis or Bob's daughter or Aaron's lil' sis or Sherry's daughter...I want to be known as Kaitie...

This semester has already started out a thousand times better than it was last semester...Things are finally starting to fall into place and I might be moving to Arizona in the fall...I still don't really know what I want to do w/my life, but I'm only 21 I still have time to decide...

Well I'm off for now...

I know things have been hectic and I really haven't had the chance to post anything...

Ana is my roommate now...I'm so happy...I needed someone to live w/, but there aren't a lot of people that I can stand long enough to have move in...Ana is cool, we are a lot alike in our living habits, it's just they way we are...I've been really lonely, b/c in order to see anyone I would have to drive to campus, b/c very few people have been willing to come over and hang out...

Got my check change today and I have to pay bills and rent, but everything is going to work out beautifully...

I realized on New Years Eve when I was completely sober...I really don't need a guy in my life right now...I don't know who I really am, I do, but I don't...I'm sure that makes no sense at all...I love to write and paint, reading is one of my favorite pastimes, movies are a great source of entertainment...I have no clue w/what to do w/my life...For the first time in my life I really don't feel like I need a guy...Well the only thing I need a guy for is urges that I'm forcing my body to forget all about, b/c in the end it brings nothin' but trouble...So I really don't need a guy at all...

I am content with life right now and I'm ready for it to throw it's next curve ball in my direction